


Cuck Newton

by carceryvale



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AFAB reader - Freeform, Cuckolding, Cunnilingus, F/M, I am so fucking sorry, Infidelity, Other, Premature Ejaculation, Verbal Humiliation, duck newtons humiliation kink, justin mcelroy is crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-12-27 03:36:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21112019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carceryvale/pseuds/carceryvale
Summary: Your boyfriend Duck leaves you high and dry (or more accurately, supine and wet) again but luckily you have developed a way of getting off that benefits everyone, including the talking sword that lives in your cupboard.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE thank you to hopeless_aromantic for betaing this and giving me the confidence to publish it aslkjasd go read their mothman fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thank you to hopeless_aromantic for betaing this and giving me the confidence to publish it aslkjasd go read their mothman fic

“Shit, I’m close.” Duck grunts above you.

”Already?” You tease, running your nails down his back as he ruts into you. He shudders at the timbre of your voice and you can tell by the hitch in his breath that he’s about to come undone. “Come for me babe.”

Like always, Duck does what he’s told with as strangled cry. He fucks against you with a renewed vigor as he rides out his orgasm and you begin to feel your own climax approaching.

“_Fuck_, don’t stop.” You gasp. Duck lifts up your hips for better leverage and you squeeze your eyes shut as you focus on your pleasure. “Almost. . .”

The phone rings.

“Fuck.” Duck stops. You groan, and not the sexy kind.

“I sorta. . . I need to. . .” Duck looks between you (naked, beautiful, under him) and the phone (plastic, not sexy, still ringing). You wave him off with an exasperated smile and he pulls out, but not without whining at the loss. Feeling empty, cold, and abandoned, you turn to watch as Duck stuffs himself back into his jeans and answers the phone. You stare up at the ceiling as you lie in the wet spot in the middle of the bed and Duck speaks in low and urgent tones. When he finally returns, he has that look in his eye and all you can do is sigh.

“There's some pretty big smoke stacks out east, and they want everyone out on it immediately.” He mumbles, pointedly not looking at you. You rise from the bed with the sheets wrapped around you and kiss him on the cheek. 

“Come home safe, okay?” You nuzzle into his collarbone and he wraps his arms around you and laughs.

“Of course. And then we’ll finish up here, alright?” He smiles and kisses the side of your head. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” You don’t want to let go, but you have no choice, and duty calls. Duck separates himself from you and heads for the door of the apartment.

You lean back down on your shared bed until you’re absolutely sure he’s gone. It’s a good 10 minutes, and by then the heat between your legs has died down significantly, but you gather the strength to pull yourself up and walk to the kitchen. 

You take a second to gather yourself before opening the kitchen cabinet.

“Hello, Beacon.” You sigh.

“Again?” The sword hisses in sibilance as you grab him (it?) by the hilt. 

“Stupid forest, being on fire. You know what’s not on fire? Our bedroom!” You toss Beacon onto the bed mouth down but it just warps back around to the other side. 

“It’s surprising to see Duck Newton jump into action for anything.” Beacon agrees and you shoot him a pointed look before turning back around to dig out your porn stash. 

Stupid radio silence zone.

“Like, I get it.” You continue to complain after picking out a magazine and making your way back to the bed. “Save the forests and all that. But we haven’t had sex for _ weeks_ and when we finally have the time?” 

“I’m not a fan of this either.” Beacon drawls as you roll your eyes. “I am the supreme weapon, the Light That Pierces The Heavens, the Tower Above the Fog, and I am being used as a _marital aid_.” 

“You gotta mouth and I’m not picky.” You shrug as you throw one leg over the sword on your bed before settling down and flicking through your magazine.

Beacon grumbles halfheartedly but his actions betray his words and with an almost eager urgency his long wicked tongue slips between your folds and wraps around your clit. 

“Huaaaah.” You sigh contentedly and pat Beacon on his blade. “You know, you’re not half bad when you shut up and do something you’re good at.” 

Beacon says nothing and continues to lazily thrust his tongue inside of you, proving your point. The width of his quillion cuts into your thighs but you press down anyway, chasing the feeling of cold steel against the heat of your cunt. You moan and begin to give little half hearted thrusts, grateful that Beacon doesn’t have to breathe.

Beacon begins to pick up the pace, curling his tongue against your sweet spot and applying delicious pressure. Heat pools in you gut as you begin to climb towards orgasm and you gasp.

“Fuck.” You reach a hand down between your legs to give you the little push you need. “Almost. . .”

Beacon bites down on the tip of your finger.

“What the fuck?” You yelp and yank your hand back before rolling over into your back. 

“_Don’t_” Beacon hisses. “I’m perfectly capable of finishing you mysself.”

“You fucking bit me!” You glare down at the sword, his mouth slick with your wetness and set into a hard frown.

Beacon ignores you. “Unlike _sssome_ folk," he pops the _k_ pointedly and clears his throat, "_I_ at least, can prove my worth in the bedroom."

You stare down at him in disbelief. “Prove your worth? Do you think I’m going to leave Duck for his fucking _sword?_” You laugh. Beacon remains silent.

“Alright, this has gone too far.” You throw him off the bed and kick him underneath it.

“Good luck _finding release_ without me.” He says in a smug voice and you scoff.

“I have a hitachi. I think I’ll manage.” You roll your eyes. 

A magic wand beats a magic sword any day.

When Duck comes home later that night you embrace him happily before pulling him back to bed, your boyfriend taking position as the big spoon.

“Babe?” Duck asks.

“Yeah?” You murmur and nestle your head into your pillow.

“Why’s Beacon under the bed?”

You pause.

“He was being annoying.” You turn to face him. “Kiss me?”

And Duck does as he’s told.


	2. Chapter 2

You never expected “date night” to mean “throwing tennis balls at my boyfriend to help him train for the upcoming apocalypse”, but it’s still not the worst way to spend an evening.

“Duck!” You wind back your arm for a perfect throw.

“Yeah?” Duck pants, readying his stance.

“No I mean like actually duck!” You cackle and sent your tennis ball flying.

_SWIP_

Duck hefts Beacon up to cut through the tennis ball but you don't relent and send three more hurtling towards him.

_ SWIP SWIP SWIP _

“Woohoo!” Duck holds his hands aloft in victory over the halved tennis balls around his feet.

“You did it!” You rush over to hug him.

“Congrat-u-lations Duck Newton.” Beacon drawls and Duck hoists him down to look at where his face would probably be. 

“Hey thanks Beacon.” Duck smiles. 

“Finally managed to go more than three thrusts in I see.” Ducks face drops.

You snort. “Aw shut up Beacon.” You wrap your arms around Duck, pushing down the arm wielding the sword. Duck seems to gain confidence back as he kisses you and you giggle in surprise when he sweeps you off your feet, both literally and figuratively. “My knight in forest rangers armour.”

“Dissgussting.” Beacon snarls. “If you two _paramours_ are done, Duck still has plenty of training to do.”

“Shut up Beacon.” Duck murmurs in between kisses.

“The world is ending asss we speak. Somwhere out there a star explodess, taking itss whole galaxy with it. An entire sssolar sssystem. Gone, in the blink of an eye. And where iss the Chossen One? Rutting like an _animal_ against a__ _tree_.”

You don’t miss the shiver that runs through Duck at Beacon’s words. 

“That sounds fun.” You say a little breathlessly.

“I’m pretty sure I would lose my job.” Duck laughs.

“Not all the way out here. We’re all alone.” Your hands tug at the buttons of Duck’s uniform. “As much as I _love_ a man in uniform, I think I prefer you out of it.”

“A-_hem._” Beacon scowls. “I’m still here you two. And asss mush asss I love to see Duck humiliate himsself, I draw the line of my _schadenfreude_ at watching Duck Newton _blow_ his _load_ in some ill-timed _hanky-panky_.” 

“Then don’t watch.” You roll your eyes as you sink down to your knees.

“W-whoa there.” Duck instinctively puts a hand on your head as you pull his cock out through the front of his trousers, his other hand hanging at his side and still clutching Beacon.

The sword huffs in mock disgust as you place a kiss on the underside of Ducks cock and you shoot him a wink for his troubles.

“Please just tosss me aside. Throw me into the garbage. A decent riverbed would make a wonderful final resting place. Anything to prevent me from watching this trainwreck.”

Duck obliges and drops the sword, partly in shock from you taking him into your mouth.

“Oh no this angles even _worse_.” Beacon complains. “I can practically ssee hiss brain _melting_ as he triess to prevent the inevitable.”

You can’t see it- your gaze is too focused on Duck’s wiry pubic hair as you bob your head back and forth- but you can certainly feel it in the quiver of his thighs under your hands. 

Out of Duck’s line of sight you shoot Beacon a thumbs up.

“Any ssecond now.” Derision practically drips from Beacon’s words. “In fact, let me predict. Three, two-”

Duck cums in your mouth without warning, a second before the end of Beacon’s countdown.

“I ssee I gave you too much credit, _Duck._ Beacon pops the ‘k’ and _tsk’s_ in disapproval as you spit Duck’s cum out onto the grass. “Rest assured that I will never make _that_ mistake again.”

You get back onto your feet and Duck looks down red-faced between his legs, both at his quickly softening cock and the pool of cum on the grass.

“You did so good.” You coo into his ear. “Always so good for me.” 

“Now if you two are _finished_ can we get back to training before Duck’s brain leaks out through his. . ._organ?_”

Watching Beacon flounder for a suitably ridiculing name for penis makes you laugh. You swoop down to pick him up and lean him on your shoulder carelessly, like a renaissance fair prop and not a magical sword that weighs about as much as a chihuahua.

“Let’s wrap it up here for today.” You look back over your empty shoulder at Duck. “Coming?” you tease.

Duck cannot stuff himself back into his pants fast enough.

***

You make spaghetti for dinner as all you really have to do is boil water and make sure the noodles don’t burn.

“I don’t understand how they burned, they’re in water-” You cut yourself off with a shiver and Duck pulls you closer to him. In front of you are all of your neighbors in various states of undress, glaring at you as the apartment building is evacuated late into the evening. 

“It was an accident.” You whine. In your arms Duck’s cat Penguin yowls in sympathy. There’s a collective sigh of relief when the fire alarm stops blaring and the firemen wave you back inside. 

“I mean I like my noodles al dente but the crunch factor was a little high babe.” Duck teases you as you start back inside. 

“Quit it.” You laugh. “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

“Nope.” Duck pops the ‘p’. “I heard Leo saying he was going to put a ‘red-hot special” sale on pasta tomorrow.”

You groan in embarrassment. Penguin jumps out of your arms and makes a beeline for her little cat door, and as you go after her Duck pulls you to a stop. 

“Hey uh, about today.” Duck doesn’t look you in the eye.

“I promise the noodle burning was a one time thing-”

“Not about that about, you know earlier.” Duck mutters down at the floor.

“Duck.” You chide him. “Look at me when you’re talking to me.” He obliges, locking his eyes to yours. “Now this isn’t really a hallway topic, maybe we should go inside-”

“No.” Duck interrupts you and sighs. “It’s just- actually nevermind. Forget I brought it up.”

“What’ss wrong _Duck Newton?_?” You take special care to pop the ‘k’ and draw out the ‘s’ with that special kind of sillibance that can only belong to one person-er, sword. “Did you not like being on dissplay? Having your every action criticized and judged? Or maybe. . .” You lean in closer, delighted when he cranes his neck to let you in. “You liked it _too much._” __

_ _“It’s so fuckin’ weird.” Duck berates himself and you mentally pump your fist in the air._ _

_ _“Don’t yuck your own yum.” You kiss him on his pulse point. “Now let's go inside before we get evicted. I think you’ll find that a certain someone- somesword?- might just be a little too eager to mock you into an orgasm.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> if this gets any positive at all ill do a second chapter where Duck Finds Out


End file.
